My name is Chantelle Neufeld, I’m Hypnotherapist from Canada. My purpose in life is to help people feel better emotionally. I help people get rid of their inner bully and heal from trauma.
I am the oldest of 10 children, raised in a religious cult, in a strict controlling home. I was told what to believe, how to be, and was not allowed to make choices. I was controlled through fear, guilt and other manipulation.
When I was 14 years old I was labeled as rebellious and sent away from my home in Canada, to a girls boarding school in the States that was run by the homeschool cult I was raised in. I felt very rejected by my parents.
I’ve lived too many years feeling not good enough, with labels others gave me stuck in the back of my mind, holding me back from the life I wanted. I spent too much of my life in a box, but I discovered, the box was an illusion.
Your story may be different from mine but what we may have in common is that we believed things that were not true about ourselves after being bullied.
I used to bully myself every day with my negative self-talk. I didn’t realize that the reason it was there is because I had been told those things as a child and believed them. They were stuck in my subconscious mind and I didn’t know how to get them out.
My adult life has been a quest to shake free of the beliefs I had been programmed with, specifically that I wasn’t good enough. I now love myself because I have a soul. I am worthy even though I’m imperfectly perfect. I am a good person, with good intentions, just like you are.
You are not alone. You are not who they said you were. I have good news, that things can be different. You can reprogram your subconscious mind. You are worthy of the love and kindness you show to others.
I chose a new path, different from the role my parents chose for me. I was shunned by my church, most of my friends, and several members of my family. My story does not define me, it has helped me grow. My story has enabled me to empathize with others and to help empower them.
Here are the ABC’s of How to Feel Better about Yourself, so you’ll easily be able to remember them in the future:
A – AWARENESS
Ask yourself “Is this thought true?” or “Who decided this was how it should be?” I learned this from Byron Katie. A lot of our emotional pain comes from believing thoughts that are not true.
“The day you decide you are more interested in being aware of your thoughts, than in the thoughts themselves, THAT is the day you will find your way out.” ~ Michael Singer
When I started viewing my thoughts as separate from who I was, it took the shame away that I had been feeling. I am not a bad person if I have bad thoughts. We are not our thoughts or our feelings.
What you hear as a child becomes your inner voice as an adult. This is because our subconscious still feels pain, and so various things in life can trigger that pain and bring it up to the surface.
The first step to feeling better is to be aware of and stop believing negative self-talk. When we stop believing the negative self-talk, we also stop believing the hurtful things others say. We don’t need other’s approval if we approve of ourselves.
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
We already talk to ourselves, so why not start to re-parent ourselves and tell ourselves the truth, that we are doing the best we can. Journaling is a great way to start the awareness process. Become curious, don’t fight the thoughts, challenge them instead. What we resist, persists. Most people are very clear on what they don’t want but have not given much thought to what they DO want.
We also need to be aware of manipulative, narcissistic behavior (such as gaslighting) and how it tricks you into thinking you’re bad and you don’t have options. There are many books and articles on this subject.
B – BOUNDARIES
Brene Brown’s definition for Boundaries is: “Here’s what’s okay for me, and what’s not okay” Boundaries are not division, they are respect. Boundaries are essential for happiness and healthy relationships.
Picture your life as a piece of land with a fence. You cut your own grass, and your neighbors cut their own grass. There is a gate between, but you decide when someone is invited over and when they need to go back to their place. There is a boundary between you and them, that you put there and it is very emotionally healthy to do so.
I needed to learn boundaries as an adult because I hadn’t learned to set them when I was growing up, because I thought it was okay to be controlled and being a doormat, walked all over. It wasn’t okay. We deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
“If you look at other’s behavior as a reflection of their relationship with themselves, rather than a statement of your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time, cease to react at all” ~ Yogi Bhajan
Relationships of every kind are only successful when there are boundaries. I’m so glad I finally transitioned out of Codependency (which is the result of Narcissistic abuse.) I now choose Connection instead of Attachment because I don’t need other’s energy or attention to feel good about myself.
What do boundaries look like? Asking for what you want. That it’s okay to say no. Giving yourself permission. You are allowed to be who you want to be. Design your life. Choose you. You can’t help anyone until you first meet your own needs.
Nobody can manipulate you unless you need something from them, usually it’s their approval or acceptance. Religious abuse takes place when people use God to control others and promote their own agenda.
You can take back your power by finding it deep within (I know it is there) and giving yourself permission to live your own life.
Life shifted for me when I realized that my happiness is my responsibility, and other’s happiness is their responsibility.
C – COMPASSION
Show compassion towards yourself. Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing the best you can. I found it helpful to re-parent myself, and comfort my inner child when negative emotions came up. Responding to my questions and thoughts as I would respond to an innocent child.
“To let go does not mean to get rid of, to let go means to let be. When we let be, with compassion, things come and go on their own” ~ Jack Kornfield
I had complicated grief when my family members shunned me for the freedom that I stood for, 2 of my siblings died within a few months from each other, I didn’t get to say good-bye. I clung to the quote above during that time. To make peace with what was, letting go of wishing things could have been different. Forgiving myself for not knowing what to do. Recognizing that their pain and programming caused them to behave the way they did.
The behavior of the authority figures I had growing up, was not okay. I realized that it was also not okay to let what they did or said, affect me for the rest of my life. Forgiveness is ongoing, because we can’t erase the past. I have found, however that we can reframe the past, making us not get triggered by it.
HOW I CAN HELP
The best way I’ve found to reverse the affects of narcissistic brainwashing, is to take my life back through Hypnotherapy. It helped me to reprogram my mind with truth and to let go of guilt, anxiety, sadness and anger.
In a way it was like I was hypnotized by my pastor, cult leader and my parents. Actually, every person is hypnotized every day by one thing or another. After I discovered Hypnotherapy could help me reverse those beliefs, I dedicated all of my energy to learning how to help others do the same.
Negative emotions need to be released and Hypnotherapy is a safe and comfortable way to do that. Stuffing the feelings back down results in health issues and depression.
Warning – if you hang out with me, I’ll brainwash you into feeling good about yourself.
I believe in freedom. People who are controlling are afraid of that. That’s why I was shunned in the past. I’m sure it will be that way in the future. I am so happy to finally realize why I was shunned. I can think of nothing better to be remembered by, for choosing and promoting freedom and love.
I have helped many people shift limiting beliefs and feel better emotionally using Hypnotherapy. Nothing gives me more happiness than empowering someone to break free from their past! My clients report that the panic or the dark cloud of emotion is gone when they remember a traumatic past event and feels like the weight of the world has rolled off their shoulders.
Hypnotherapy allows people to reframe their past comfortably and safely, without getting upset. It’s unlike talk therapy because you don’t have to tell me anything about past traumatic events, your healing comes from you within your own mind. I’m just the guide with vague suggestions to facilitate. You only view the past from a disassociated view so the emotion isn’t attached.
Email or message me to book a free video call consultation to learn more and to see if we are a good fit to work together.